How Internal Family Systems therapy helps you heal from within
Have you ever noticed that different situations bring out different sides of you? Maybe you're confident and capable at work, but feel small and insecure in family gatherings. Or perhaps there's a part of you that desperately wants connection, while another part builds walls to keep people out.
You're not inconsistent or broken—you're beautifully complex. We all have different parts of ourselves, and Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy helps you understand and heal the relationships between these parts.
What is IFS Therapy?
IFS therapy, developed by Dr. Richard Schwartz, recognizes that we all have different aspects or "parts" of our personality. Rather than seeing this as a problem to fix, IFS celebrates the natural multiplicity of the human psyche and helps you develop a healthier relationship with all parts of yourself.
At the center of this internal system is what IFS calls "Self"—your core essence that is naturally compassionate, curious, calm, and connected. When Self is in leadership, all your parts can relax into their authentic roles instead of working overtime to protect you from perceived threats.
Think of it like a family or team where everyone has different strengths and perspectives. When there's good leadership and communication, the whole system works beautifully together. When there's chaos or one member is overwhelmed, the whole system suffers.
Understanding Your Internal Family
System
In IFS therapy, we generally work with three types of parts:
Exiled Parts
These are the vulnerable parts of you that carry pain, fear, or unmet needs—often from childhood. Exiled parts hold our deepest emotions and longings but have been pushed away or hidden to keep them safe.
Example: The part of you that felt unloved as a child and still yearns for acceptance, or the part that felt scared and helpless during a traumatic experience.
Protective Parts (Managers)
These parts work hard to keep you safe by controlling your environment and preventing painful experiences. They're often the parts that show up as perfectionism, people-pleasing, overworking, or hypervigilance.
Example: The part that makes sure you never disappoint anyone, or the part that keeps you constantly busy so you don't have to feel difficult emotions.
Firefighter Parts
When protective parts can't prevent pain from happening, firefighter parts jump in to distract from or numb the pain as quickly as possible. These might show up as substance use, impulsive behaviors, or other ways of seeking immediate relief.
Example: The part that turns to alcohol when you feel overwhelmed, or the part that spends money you don't have when you're feeling empty.
How IFS Therapy Works
The goal of IFS therapy isn't to get rid of any parts—they all developed for good reasons and deserve compassion. Instead, we help your Self get to know each part, understand its role and concerns, and provide the healing and leadership these parts have been waiting for.
The IFS Therapy Process
Building Self-Leadership
We start by helping you access and strengthen your Self—that centered, compassionate part of you that can hold space for all your other parts without judgment.
Getting to Know Your Parts
We explore the different parts of your internal system, learning about their roles, fears, and what they're trying to protect. This isn't about labeling or pathologizing—it's about developing curiosity and understanding.
Healing Relationships Between Parts
Often, parts are in conflict with each other. The part that wants to take risks might clash with the part that prioritizes safety. We help these parts communicate and work together rather than against each other.
Unburdening Exiled Parts
When your protective parts trust that Self can provide safety and care, they're willing to step back and allow healing of the more vulnerable exiled parts.
IFS Therapy for Trauma
Trauma often happens when we're overwhelmed and our natural Self-leadership gets disrupted. Protective parts take over to help us survive, but they may continue working overtime long after the danger has passed.
In IFS therapy for trauma, we honor the incredible job your protective parts did to keep you safe, while also helping them understand that the danger is over. This allows your Self to step back into leadership and provide the healing your wounded parts need.
A Parts Work Example
Maria came to therapy feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. She was excelling at work but felt like she could never do enough. Through IFS work, we discovered her "Achiever" part—a protective part that learned early in life that being perfect was the only way to earn love and avoid criticism.
As we got to know this part, Maria realized how hard it had been working to keep her safe. She was able to thank this part for its protection while also letting it know that she, as Self, could handle relationships and challenges now. The Achiever part gradually relaxed, allowing Maria to experience more balance and authenticity in her life.
Parts Work and Self-Compassion
One of the most beautiful aspects of IFS therapy is how it naturally develops self-compassion. When you understand that your "difficult" behaviors come from parts that are trying to help you, criticism transforms into curiosity, and judgment becomes compassion.
Instead of thinking "I'm so anxious" or "I'm such a perfectionist," you might think "A part of me is feeling anxious" or "My perfectionist part is working hard to keep me safe." This small shift creates space between you and the part, allowing your Self to respond with care rather than criticism.
The Internal Family Systems Model in Daily Life
As you develop your IFS practice, you might notice:
- Increased self-awareness: "Oh, my people-pleasing part is activated right now."
- Better emotional regulation: Instead of being hijacked by intense emotions, you can acknowledge the part that's struggling and offer it support.
- Improved relationships: When you understand your own parts, you can also recognize and respond to parts in others with more compassion.
- Greater authenticity: As your Self takes more leadership, you can show up more genuinely in your relationships and choices.
How IFS Therapy Works with Other Approaches
At Live Consciously, we often integrate IFS therapy with other trauma-informed approaches. Parts work complements beautifully with:
- EMDR therapy: Processing traumatic memories while honoring the parts that carry them
- Somatic approaches: Helping parts release trauma stored in the body
- Nervous system regulation: Supporting parts in finding safety and balance
This integrated approach allows us to address trauma from multiple perspectives while honoring the complexity of your internal world.
Common Questions About IFS Therapy
"Does having parts mean I have multiple personalities?"
Not at all. Having different parts is completely normal and healthy. Unlike dissociative identity disorder, in IFS therapy your parts are all aspects of one integrated self.
"What if I can't identify my parts?"
That's perfectly normal, especially if you've learned to disconnect from your internal experience. We'll go slowly and help you develop this internal awareness gradually.
"What if my parts don't want to talk?"
Parts often need to trust that it's safe to be seen and heard. We create that safety by approaching each part with genuine curiosity and respect, never forcing anything.
"Can IFS therapy help with depression and anxiety?"
Absolutely. Often, depression and anxiety are signals from parts that need attention and care. IFS therapy can help you understand what these parts are trying to communicate and provide the support they need.
Developing Compassionate Self-Leadership
In IFS therapy, healing happens through relationship—the relationship you develop with your own parts. As you learn to lead from Self, your parts can finally relax into their natural roles rather than working overtime to keep you safe.
This doesn't mean life becomes easy or that you won't face challenges. It means you'll face them from a place of internal cooperation rather than internal conflict, with all parts of yourself working together toward healing and wholeness.
The Journey of Parts Integration
IFS therapy isn't about eliminating parts or forcing them to change—it's about helping them update their roles and work together harmoniously. When your perfectionist part doesn't have to carry the burden of keeping you safe all by itself, it might transform into healthy discernment. When your people-pleasing part trusts that you can handle conflict, it might become genuine generosity.
Your parts developed to help you survive. IFS therapy helps them learn that you're not just surviving anymore—you're ready to thrive.
Building Internal Harmony
Imagine what it would feel like to have all parts of yourself working together instead of against each other. To face challenges from a place of internal solidarity rather than internal conflict. To respond to yourself and others from a place of compassion rather than criticism.
This is the gift of IFS therapy—not the elimination of complexity, but the integration of all parts of yourself into a harmonious, authentic whole.
About the Author
Alexandrea Long, LCSW-S, is a licensed clinical social worker and supervisor specializing in trauma recovery. She has advanced training in EMDR therapy, Internal Family Systems therapy, polyvagal theory, and somatic approaches to healing. Alexandrea founded Live Consciously, PLLC to provide integrative, trauma-informed therapy that honors the complexity of the human experience. She believes that healing happens when we can embrace all aspects of ourselves with curiosity and care, and is passionate about helping clients develop healthier relationships with themselves and others.
Ready to develop a compassionate relationship with all parts of yourself? Our IFS-trained therapists are here to guide you on this journey of self-discovery and healing. Contact Live Consciously, PLLC at
(254) 826-9450 or schedule a consultation at
liveconsciouslypllc.com
